Boundaries with In-laws
Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 14
Interview with Dr. Pauline Belton:
Are your in-laws building a bridge between you and your partner?
Here are some tips that healthy couples use to prevent in-laws from causing problems in their relationship.
- Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page.
- Have conversations about your in-laws and the relationships that you have with them.
- Remember that you and your partner are two people from two backgrounds with two different perceptions.
- Continue to learn about your partner’s upbringing, and thoughts around interacting with his or her family.
- Make sure your in-laws are not in the bed with you and your partner.
- Create a healthy boundary where you and your partner are recognized as a stand-alone unit.
- Your in-laws should not be making decisions in your relationship.
- Have open communication with your in-laws
- Establish an independent relationship with your in laws.
- You do not need to go through your spouse to communicate with your in-laws.
- Call your in-laws or Initiate events without your spouse.
- Respect them even though you do not agree with them.
- Don’t expect anything from anyone that they don’t have the capacity to give.
- Understand that your in-laws are people too.
- They may not be able to live up to your expectations.
- Healthy couples don’t take problems with their in-laws personally.
- Your in-laws may not treat your children or govern your children the way that you do.
- Don’t forget that grandparents and aunts have a very different role than parents.
- Make sure you and your partner discuss concerns that may warrant an intervention.
- When you and your partner do not agree, don’t run to your family members asking for their opinion. Once you understand your partners view, you can’t pull that information back.
- Recognize it is not the same when talking from “mother to child” as it is talking from “adult to adult.”
- Many times, family members are not able to be objective. When finding out information, they may want to be protective.
- Once you have worked everything out with your partner, your family member is still thinking about the conversation, and has emotions attached to the conversation.
- Your family member will continue to remember how mad, frustrated, upset, or hurt you were.
- Your family member may develop negative thoughts about your partner. For example, they may develop a belief that your partner is unreasonable etc.
You and your partner are a unit; therefore, It is important for you and your partner to have open conversations about your in-laws. This will help you and him/her make the best decisions for your relationship.
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