14: Boundaries with In-Laws

There Is Never A Bad Time To Give Your Relationship That Extra Boost! (26:23)
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Boundaries with In-laws

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 14

Interview with Dr. Pauline Belton:

Are your in-laws building a bridge between you and your partner?

Here are some tips that healthy couples use to prevent in-laws from causing problems in their relationship.

  • Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page.
    • Have conversations about your in-laws and the relationships that you have with them.
    • Remember that you and your partner are two people from two backgrounds with two different perceptions.
  • Continue to learn about your partner’s upbringing, and thoughts around interacting with his or her family.
  • Make sure your in-laws are not in the bed with you and your partner.
    • Create a healthy boundary where you and your partner are recognized as a stand-alone unit.
    • Your in-laws should not be making decisions in your relationship.
  • Have open communication with your in-laws
  • Establish an independent relationship with your in laws.
    • You do not need to go through your spouse to communicate with your in-laws.
    • Call your in-laws or Initiate events without your spouse.
  • Respect them even though you do not agree with them.
  • Don’t expect anything from anyone that they don’t have the capacity to give.
    • Understand that your in-laws are people too.
    • They may not be able to live up to your expectations.
  • Healthy couples don’t take problems with their in-laws personally.
  • Your in-laws may not treat your children or govern your children the way that you do.
    • Don’t forget that grandparents and aunts have a very different role than parents.
    • Make sure you and your partner discuss concerns that may warrant an intervention.
  • When you and your partner do not agree, don’t run to your family members asking for their opinion. Once you understand your partners view, you can’t pull that information back.
    • Recognize it is not the same when talking from “mother to child” as it is talking from “adult to adult.”
    • Many times, family members are not able to be objective.  When finding out information, they may want to be protective.
      • Once you have worked everything out with your partner, your family member is still thinking about the conversation, and has emotions attached to the conversation.
      • Your family member will continue to remember how mad, frustrated, upset, or hurt you were.
      • Your family member may develop negative thoughts about your partner. For example, they may develop a belief that your partner is unreasonable etc.

You and your partner are a unit; therefore, It is important for you and your partner to have open conversations about your in-laws.  This will help you and him/her make the best decisions for your relationship.

More Resources

Building Your Extraordinary Relationship: As relationship counselors and coaches, we have packages to help you improve your relationship. If your relationship is in need of a jump start or relationship repair, contact us and we will be glad to help with boosting your relationship.

Events Workshops and Retreats: “Improve Your Relationship & Have an Enjoyable “Couples Playdate” Retreat Style. We recognize the need for couples to continue to enhance their relationship. We host couples retreats and teach couples skills to enhance their relationship. We would love to see you at one of our upcoming events.

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