Preparing your relationship for the new year
Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 12
Developing Relationship Goals
Interview with Dr. Mesha Ellis: A clinical psychologist and certified sex therapists.
It’s time to develop goals for your relationship. Begin thinking about what you are proud of. What things say “yes we are winning.” Explore positive firsts, that one thing that is negative can always stand out. When setting goals, it is important that you don’t just focus on the negative. The reality is not just the negative.
Begin your journey of establishing goals in your relationship by Reflecting:
- Begin by reflecting on the positive things that have occurred in your relationship.
- What went right in your relationship?
- What are the areas that you and your partner are winning?
- What are your accomplishments?
- What brought you joy?
- What are your areas of strengths?
- Create a culture of appreciation by noticing your partner’s contributions and sharing it with your partner. Call out and articulate what is right in the relationship. It makes the experiences more real, and helps to bring back the memory of those experiences.
- I appreciate that you took time with the kids.
- You were there for me when I had that difficult time with my boss
- You reached out to me and help me to refocus
- I appreciate that we were able to commit to spending time with each other.
Now that you have given yourself credit for the positive experiences. You can begin to have conversations about what can be done differently.
- Framing the conversation as areas growth, is better than blaming each other for wrongs. This helps to keep the hope and not feel defeated in the conversation.
- What areas could use some improvement
- Focus on both of your realities as opposed to one person’s perspective.
Establish goals for you and your partner for the upcoming year.
- Think about goals for each individual person and goals as a couple.
- What are you hoping for?
- Who are you hoping to be as it relates to your partner?
- Dream Big!
- What are you planning to work through or resolve in the new year?
- Keep each other motivated throughout the year so it is easier
- Two imperfect people tend to create issues that you may have.
- Think what you can accept and what things need to be worked on.
- Consider how you have problem solved to make the issues feel less pressing in the past.
- Don’t get overwhelmed with too many goals.
- Create no more than 3 to 5 goals so you can be successful.
- Prioritize the goals
- Be realistic
- What can you really commit to as a couple and as an individual
- What are the steps that are needed to complete the goal
- Discuss the timetable of the goals so you can determine if the goal is realistic.
- Make sure the goal can realistically be achieved in one year.
- If not, break the goal into a realistic one year time-frame.
- For example, you may not be able to purchase your home next year, but you may be able to save a certain dollar amount for the down payment.
- Be realistic
MUST HAVE GOALS FOR COUPLES:
- Enhancing emotional closeness
- Commit to working towards building greater sexual connection
- Spending time together on a regular basis to connect
- Have regular check ins. (You can loose track of your partner mentally even if you are with each other on a regular basis).
- Develop a time to tell your partner about your day.
- Engage by asking a variety of questions to gain more information.
During the year, you should consider having conversations regularly.
- Have regular conversations about your vision for your relationship
- Discuss the legacy you want for your relationship.
- What are you and your partner’s individual goals and aspirations?
***** When having conversations, don’t give advice unless it is solicited.
Plan to have the relationship you dreamed of this upcoming year. Get started on this plan today!
Resources recommended by Dr. Mesha Ellis: You can read these by yourself, or make a goal for both you and your partner to read a book independently. Then you and your partner can come together to discuss the book.
You can find out more about Dr. Ellis at her website: www.ellisevaluations.com
What Men Really Want In Relationships!
We want you to know what they want from their perspective.